diary

Five hundred twenty five thousand six hundred minutes… ish

It’s a little odd and I don’t quite know how to feel, in a few short hours it will have been a year since we lost Dad…

I don’t know what I’m supposed to do. I know I don’t have to do anything but having to do something would be better than this. I’m alone. Which was partly my own doings, mum said I could stay at hers but tonight I wanted to be at my house, in my bed. S has ended up spending the night at his folks he was working down south and so is closer to theirs than mine. Do I wish he’d made the journey to be with me tonight in case I needed him? Yes. Is that something my Dad would have done? Definitely. But S is not my dad, my dad was one in a million. He made the world better for everyone he met and when the world lost his I was left with some mammoth shoes to fill. I’m trying. I have recently signed up to become one of those first responder type people, you know the ones who race ambulances to respond to 999 calls. Not saved any lives yet* but I’m hoping one day, and I hope that the life I do get to save goes on to do something amazing.

When I was first told dad was dying I couldn’t believe it, I can remember thinking he was too good, and it wasn’t just me who thought that. All the cards we received talked about what a kind caring man he was and so many people told me about how he had inspired them, supported them, been like a father to them. At the moment the world seems like a very dark place and I can’t help but wish he was here bringing his light and joy to it.

Miss him all day every day, until we meet again!

*to clarify no one has been seriously ill who I have attended to, I don’t just have a ridiculously high death rate. It felt important to clarify that!

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