I’m worried that my idiot ex might have broken me, and ruined me for all future relationships. S is no good at dealing with stress, he’d like to think he is but between you and me, I don’t know if I’ve met anyone less able to deal with stress. He’s got a lot going on right now, and I’m trying to be understanding but every time he sees me he seems miserable and I’m really starting to worry its because of me.
In the past I became defensive when he was upset. Pointing out I wasn’t to blame for the situation. I know, it wasn’t the most compassionate thing I could have done, it was more a gut reaction to my past. I told him I’d try to stop and not get on the defensive, but now, when I try to ask and talk to him about it all I get is “I’m fine” or “it’ll be right”. He remains quiet and withdrawn and despite my best intentions as the night progresses I start to put a barrier up, I’ll give up trying to make conversation and last night I purposefully went to bed late as I just didn’t want to be around him.
I’m trying so hard and I feel like he isn’t. I know everyone has their own stuff they are dealing with and I know he has given up a lot to come and move closer to me but I don’t feel buying a house and stressing over that comes even close to the stuff I have going in – first Father’s Day without Dad, this weekend marks a year since his death and then in a few weeks it’ll be Dad’s birthday… and I’m struggling financially since I gave up work to become a full time carer.
Once upon a time I would have had a lot more compassion, maybe a lot more understanding but now a little bit of me wants to scream at him. I’m trying so hard to remain positive and up beat, to make an effort when I see him. I just wish he was doing the same.