Missing my Dad

It’s just gone midnight and it’s now officially Father’s Day, and it’s my first one without my Dad. Being honest I don’t know how I feel about the whole thing, I thought I’d be fine and I thought it would be hell. I thought the months of adverts would have numbed me to the day, I thought the fact I miss him all day, every day would mean that today wouldn’t be anything significant but now that it’s arrived I’m sat here in tears not sure what tomorrow will bring.

It shouldn’t have been like this, that’s the thing I still can’t get over. He was so young and strong. There was so much he deserved to see, future events he should be here for and it’s not just big events but smaller ones too. Tomorrow I’m cooking dinner for my grandparents and I should be setting a place for him as well. On the 24th June it will be one year since he died and I’ve had enough already, I want him back. All I can see in front of me are years and years without him in my life and I just wonder how I’m going to get through them, I’ve had enough of being strong and doing the right thing. I just want to sit down in one spot and throw a tantrum refusing to move until my dad is returned to me.

Today I went to one of those unity events in memory of Jo Cox and while there this young girl became upset and ran around screaming for her Daddy, when she spotted him she raced straight into his arms and suddenly everything was ok for her. I envied her so much, my Dad was my rock and always made everything better. He was my friend, my role model and I am honoured to be his daughter, I know if I can be half the person he was then I will leave this world a better place. He was amazing. He was my Dad and I want him back.

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