*This was written a few months ago, but because I am crazy busy I have only just gotten round to sharing it now! I know I should write a more up to date post, but I have just hit submit on a college assignment – got it in a day early, go me! – and my boiler is broken and it is getting so painfully cold in my house that typing is becoming difficult. So. please forgive me and enjoy*
Tomorrow I go to college and the fact I don’t get to talk to my dad about it sucks. He was always the go to person I told everything to and tonight I find myself in a weird situation where the one person I most want to talk to I can’t, yet if I could talk to him there would be nothing to tell him as it’s only because he died I am now in the position. Since dad died my life has changed in a way I could have never imagined and I know had he not died I wouldn’t have left my last job and be retraining and attending college but the price was awfully high.
I can’t believe what I’ve done, what I’m about to do. If everything goes to plan then I am going to start 4 years of training. That’s 4 years with no guaranteed income whilst racking up a worryingly amount of debt. Yes, an interesting fact that I learnt the other day, as his will be my second degree there is no limit on what the university can charge me and at this moment I have no idea what that figure may be. I’m excited and terrified and weirdly not as nervous about tomorrow as I thought I would be, how I feel I should be. I am a little concerned about not knowing my way around and I wonder what the other people on my course will be like, but in a way that has never happened before I know it will all be ok. I know in a months time I will know my way around, and I know that I have great friends and a fab boyfriend so it doesn’t matter whether or not I make any friends on this course. It’s a really odd feeling. I don’t know if this is what happens as you get older, or if I am very aware that having watched my dad die and then caring for my mum through a heart attack and replacement valve surgery this isn’t really a big deal. Who knows, but I do know that tomorrow my life goes in a whole other direction. Wish me luck!