I care too much about what people think.
I know this, it’s part of the reason I have taken over a week to write any more posts. I am only a few weeks into my own blog and already I am struggling over posts. I analyse them to find out if they are funny enough?… too emotional?… not emotional enough?…. engaging?….boring?… will people like it?… or not? You won’t believe how many posts I have started only to delete. Add to that I have finally given OH permission to read my blog, initially he was banned as I as worried it wasn’t good enough and I wouldn’t be able to be as honest and open … I am now over analysis every word!
I have struggled with whether or not to keep this blog confidential. Writing under an alias, not including too many details that can be linked back to myself, means that I can be open and honest… but then am I missing out on things not being able to share pictures of my dogs, the house, OH? Do I just tell everyone this is me, change the reason I started this blog but worry a lot less and maybe up the readership? I don’t know.
I think my job may have something to do with it. I work in social media and this includes writing the company blog. So I can’t help but feel that mine should be good, I compare metrics and feel like a failure…
Anyway, I was supposed to be discussing that today. I wanted to share with you a story about BD.
Today I picked up BD from the vets. He has been having trouble walking on his back leg, and despite resting him for three weeks to see if it would go away by natural courses, it didn’t and so long story short, today he went into the vets for some X-rays. As mentioned in my previous post BD has fear aggression. This is something we are working on and I feel this won’t be the last time I mention it on this blog, anyway when BD was handed back to me from the nurse, the first thing I did was slip back on his muzzle.
There were lots of dogs everywhere and despite BD being a little doped from the general anesthetic I didn’t want to take any risks of him biting anyone and so I thought it was safer to muzzle him. I purposefully bought BD this big black muzzle, so it works as a deterrent for other dog owners, a sort of keep your dog away form mine, as well as stopping him from doing any harm if a dog does misread his signs and get too close for BDs comfort.
The nurse returned with the medication he is on for the next few days but before handing me the medication she commented “Oh he didn’t need that while we had him today” and I felt judged. It made me worry about what they were doing that I hadn’t been able to. Why did he feel safe enough with them that he didn’t react whereas with me he felt I couldn’t keep him safe?
I quietly made my way out the door, feeling like a failure, where BD and I were greeted enthusiastically by a very bouncy black lab. The dog came bounding in and got a little too close to BD. BD snarled at him.
I don’t know how I feel. One the one hand I should be proud. I knew this would be a high stress situation for BD and saw that there could be a potential incident before the incident happened. But I am also disappointed that my dog felt that I wouldn’t protect him and so felt the need to growl…