How to have a weekend like me

Friday:

  • Stay later than intended at work to catch up on mountain of paper work.
  • Drive home (getting stuck behind idiot who only ever drives at 40 mph regardless of speed limit!)
  • Eat tea at some sort of warp speed as your are soon to be very late.
  • Pack bags for weekend with the OH. As you are the worlds worst packer be sure to pack at least double what you need.
  • Race to party to meet a friend for a long overdue catch up.
  • Find out friend isn’t coming.
  • Leave party race to the OHs house.
  • Find OH isn’t at house and instead go track him down at his local watering hole.

Saturday:

  • Have a (well deserved) lie in
  • Head out for a lovely dog walk in the moors.
    As you are putting on boots, ideally in the middle of no-where, remember that your walking boots fell apart last time you wore them and one of them only has a third of the sole still attached.
  • Decide to set off on walk, make sure your OH takes the lead, and for reasons known only to him, wander through waterlogged bogs rather than sticking to the obvious paths.
  • Misjudge a jump. Aim for what you think is a reed bed but end up in water and other substances you would rather not identify up to your ankles!
  • Pull out foot taking care to catapult a good amount of above mentioned yuck from broken boot onto face, front and back.
  • Continue on walk – no idea why
  • Get loose sole stuck under boot, cover yourself in more yuck whilst trying to release it.
  • Decide to abandon walk, and head into town to purchase new pair or walking boots.
  • Realise on route to town you did not bring your purse with you.
  • Continue to town having agreed with the OH he will buy you them. Start trying on boots and discover that socks are brown (broken leaky water boot remember) borrow OHs socks.
  • Find pair you like with amazing discount on – #win
  • Discover a loose stitch in one boot which rubs your heal. Decide you will fix this at home (the discount is worth it) blag further discount due to loose stitch. Cause mass chaos at the tills whilst 3 store staff trying to process the additional discount.
  • LeaveOH and go to visit relatives and play with two young nieces (3 and 6 years old).
  • Take them for a short walk.
  • Head home. Watch in horror as littlest niece falls while skipping and puts teeth through lips! Despite best efforts to comfort… carry screaming child home.
  • Sort Tea.
  • Finally get screaming child to stop scream.
  • Have other niece announce (rather proudly) her wobbley tooth has just fallen out.
  • Try to find loose an appropriate safe place to put tooth.

Sunday:

  • Take dog for a short walk
  • Do weekly shop
  • Take dog for a longer walk, which includes some training
  • Make lunch.
  • Impress yourself with uber organisation skills and make a flask to take with you when you head out.
  • Ensure flask leaks so you throw hot tea over yourself not once but twice.
  • Get back and start to cook tea.
  • Mid way through cooking have cupboard fall of wall onto you.
  • Stop cooking, empty cupboard, move tea out of the way whilst the OH tries to pull the other half of the cupboard off the wall.
  • Succeed and resume cooking.

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So how was your weekend?